I find light in what others may find in the dark
As I go searching through piles, throwing them back and forth
The paper scatters across your room, almost outlining your face
As my finger tips do every night.

The papers that list what feelings have arisen
Over these months, these years, a decade now
I feel as if my lips have lost their meaning, but you remain
Loving, caring, unconditionally there.

I look for love in other places
In music, crowds, books, streets
You lay waiting for me every night as I search endlessly
For this answer I want, I’ve been waiting for anxiously
Will never arrive.

It sinks and it rises, it beats and it stops
My heart grabs a hold of anything it can take these days
A friend, an enemy, any interaction
As I keep searching.

Your lips feel so bare, so soft against my own
Each curl of your hair, each spot on your face
I have memorized, consequently for the last year and a half of my life
And you do the same to mine, with no reasoning.

I ask so many questions, with the blanket pressed against my mouth
Mumbling into the words being spoken from the TV
You can’t hear me, but I continue
I keep this belief that I will change.